Hello, and welcome, to the official review of Monday Night Raw, the Halloween edition. I’d like to wish all our readers a happy Halloween. Let’s start with the burning questions:
- How will the Muppets (Ugh) affect Raw?
- Will Rock accept?
This Halloween edition of RAW starts with Rocky on the tron. He addresses Cena about tagging at SS. Can it be done? Should it? Could it? They’re the most polarized men on this planet. They both represent an era and generation. Last week he saw it and felt it. Hell no! Cena’s been knocking on Rocky’s door for years and shocked when Rock opened it. Rocky doesn’t want to slap Cena’s hand? No Rocky wants to slap Cena’s lips off. He wants Rocky to join the Fruit Loop Troop?
Then the Rock thought about. Millions and millions of Tweet telling him to join Cena for one night. The hook that brought him is that Team Bring It despises Miz and R-Truth. This is about the people and they people want to see Miz and R-Truth get their jabroni asses beat. For one night they will tag, facing Miz and R-Truth at SS. Miz and R-Truth are bad asses? They do it from behind. Why not try that on the Rock?
Cena has his wish, Rock is his partner. Cena’s happy, little kids running around their house all excited. Don’t get too happy yet. There’s another reason why outside Miz and R-Truth. The Rock wants Cena to witness, stand on that apron, one foot away from the great one putting boots to asses all damn long day! Cena, what Rock does to Miz and R-Truth is a tiny taste of what Rock will do at WM. Cena, witness the Rock and learn how a real man gets it done. Watch the jabroni beating, pie eating, trail blazing, eyebrow raising, ready to strike on the attack, Cena call your fat ass momma because the Rock is back! The Rock, John Cena, SS, never before, never again.
If you smelllllllllllllllllll what the Rock is cookin’!
Later Cena will face Miz one on one.
CM Punk vs Mark Henry
CM Punk out to the ring in black and orange, but not his normal t-shirt. Henry comes out with his strap over his shoulder. Video of Henry and Big Show breaking the ring at Vengeance. Laurinaitis out to the stage and introduces himself, again. He stated on WWE.com that Punk will face ADR for the Title if Punk can defeat Henry.
Henry talks smack. Punk rushes in but then forearms drop him. Punk is whipped, but then kicks at Henry. Punk onto Henry’s back, but Punk is slammed to the mat for two. Punk sells the pain, but then breaks free and kicks at Henry over and over. Henry then sends Punk over the top. Punk holds on and lands on the apron. Punk up and flies with a clothesline on Henry. Henry down and Punk climbs again. Punk hits his Savage elbow, but can’t get the three.
ADR out to the ring, Ricardo sent into the ring and attacks Henry. Henry swats Ricardo away. Ricardo on Henry with his shoe. Finally the ref calls for the bell.
Winner > Henry via DQ
Punk figures it out and flies out onto ADR. ADR flees and leaves Ricardo to take Punk’s wrath. Punk sends Ricardo into the ring and Henry hits his slam on Ricardo. Henry screams for his Title. ADR on stage talking smack as Punk takes off up the ramp then out after him. Henry looks down at Ricardo, then walks on him to leave the ring.
Cole crows about getting rid of JR later. Cole won’t lose and will be the voice of WWE forever! King says the Muppets are next.
Justin announce Kermit and Miss Piggy. They rise up on stage behind a barrier! Kermit is all excited. Miss Piggy calls herself the original Diva, but then is cut off by Vickie! EXCUSE ME!! EXCUSE ME!! Vickie said it was bad enough that Jackman took their air time? Now they share the show with livestock. Swagger talks about eating frogs legs and craving a ham sandwich. He tells them to leave the stage, Miss Piggy wants him to make them and calls him frankenstein! Kermit stops it all and calls him Mr. Swagger. They don’t want any trouble from Swagger or his mother. EXCUSE ME!! EXCUSE ME!! EXCUSE ME!! Even Piggy got into that mix!
Santino out and says everyone here is officially excused. Swagger shouldn’t pick on any of their Mupper friends. He should be readying for his Match as Mr. Laryngitis has put him in a Match. Swagger will showcase his skills against Santino. Kermit wishes Santino… Swagger closes Kermit’s mouth. Swagger will have Dolph in his corner. Santino says Dolph has his own Match against Ryder. Kermit says, “Woo, woo, woo!” Piggy says, “You know it!”
Kelly Kelly’s music and she comes out Miss Piggy isn’t impressed, then Kelly plants one on Kermit before heading to the ring.
Divas Halloween Battle Royal
All the Divas are in the ring in horrible costumes. Eve as Robin, Rosa as a came woman. Fox as a sailor, then Bellas are Mario and Luigi. Beth is on announce as the Queen of The Ring.
Natalya eliminates Rosa, then works on Fox. Aksana over the top as Mortitia. Tamina eliminates AJ, then she’s tossed herself. Bellas eliminate Dog The Bounty Hunter, I mean Katlyn. Eve with a standing moonsault on the Bros. Mario and Luigi get a Kelly stinkface. Eve and Kelly clothesline the Bellas from the ring. Natalya, Eve, Kelly and Fox are left in the ring. Huge clothesline to Eve, then she drops Eve and puts Kelly over the top. Kelly stays on the apron, but Fox out. Kelly knocked off, then Eve knocks Natalya out to win.
Winner > Eve
Beth and Natalya into the ring. Kelly and Fox in to Eve’s side and stares them down.
Backstage Beaker and Dr. Bunsen Honeydew! He has something for Santino to have fresher breath. Beaker sent off and into Christian. Beaker is freaked out. Christian smells the drink, then dumps it out, better luck next time nerd. Sheamus behind Christian and asks if there’s a problem there fella? Sheamus and Beaker stare a bit. Beaker talks and Sheamus says he can’t make the family reunion this year. Sheamus fixes his hair, then fixes Beaker’s before heading off.
Kofi and Evan out through their pyro.
Air boom vs Cody & Wade
Cody and Evan lock up. Arm hold on Evan, then a knee to his gut. Evan back on Cody with a knee to his gut. Kofi tags in. Cody runs the ropes and Kofi over the top for two. Blows back and forth. Kofi whipped but feeds Cody a foot. Wade knocked from the apron, then Cody takes Kofi down for two. Cody tags in Wade who pulls Kofi up and hits a swinging side slam for two. A seated abdominal stretch on Kofi. Kofi up and elbows out, but then takes blows, the last drops him to the mat for two.
Cody tags in and backs Kofi into a corner before stomping him. Kofi to the mat. Cody swings Kofi to the mat then locks on and arm and chin hold. Kofi free, but drop toe hold keeps him from tagging out. Wade tags in and punches on Kofi in the heel corner. Cody attacks from behind. “Cody sucks!” chants from the front row. Kofi tries to get to Evan, but Cody stops him. Blows on Kofi, but then hits a monkey flip on Cody! Both men are down, but able to tag out.
Evan on Wade with kicks, then Wade gets him up for the finisher, but Evan counters to a DDT for two that Cody breaks up. Evan up top, Cody distracts and Wade grabs Evan. Wasteland for three.
Winners > Wade & Cody
Christian runs to the ring and attacks Kofi. Cody and Wade join in, but then Sheamus’ music hits. A brogue kick to Cody as Wade and Christian flee. Sheamus over to help Kofi and orange Evan to his feet.
Statler and Waldorf up in the corner talking smack as they do.
Backstage Laurinaitis on his cell and Punk comes in. Punk asks if it’s fair and impartial? What will he have to do? Carry his bags? Skateboard through hoops. Chapstick his lips before bum kissing? Frost his hair like the 90’s. Laurinaitis says Punk will have his Match if ADR agrees to it.
Video promo for Clay who will be back next week.
ADR vs Big Show
ADR comes out in a Porche. Video of Ricardo sent to attack Henry. Big Show to the ring. As Big Show comes in over the top he rushes ADR who flees. Video of Henry and Big Show breaking the ring.
ADR on Big Show with kicks, but then tossed into a corner. Blows then that big hand chop to ADR’s chest. Head butt from Big Show. In another corner another chest slap. Big Show on ADR hard, then telegraphs and is kicked, but then slams ADR to the mat. ADR whipped, but then moves out of the way. Clothesline to ADR. Knees to ADR, then whipped, this time ADR gets his feet up. Chop block doesn’t drop Big Show. ADR on Big Show’s back with a version of a sleeper. Big Show seems to fade a bit, but still standing. Big Show bent over, then to one knee. ADR holds on as the fans chant for the big man. Big Show reaches around to ADR, but doesn’t grab hold. Big Show to his feet and flips ADR to the mat. Big Show coughs and gags to get back.
ADR outside. Big Show out after him and rushes ADR. Big Show back in to break the count, but then Big Show pushes ADR with one hand into the barrier from the apron, very hard. Knee to ADR against the barrier. Big Show rushes ADR again, but ADR moves and Big Show eats barrier. Enziguri to Big Show. ADR breaks the count, then on Big Show’s legs with kicks. Big Show in and mick after kick to his head. ADR pins but Big Show sends him almost from the ring at two.
Front facelock on Big Show on his knees. Big Show drops to his belly and ADR into better position. Big Show screams to his feet and slam back to the mat squishing ADR. Both are down. Blows between them on their knees. A punch from ADR, then a big blow sends ADR flying. Punch from ADR, then sent flying. ADR then jumps on Big Show for two. Front facelock on a kneeling Big Show. Big Show to his feet and clotheslines ADR from the ring and his head hits hard out there.
ADR wrapped around Big Show’s knee. Bgstries to pull ADR’s chin back, but can’t get ADR to let go of his leg. Big Show uses his other leg to drop on ADR’s head. ADR back on Big Show and manages a DDT for two, but ADR’s cover ended him tossed from the ring. ADR runs up Big Show in a corner, but can’t kick Big Show as he eats a fist. Big Show then easily pins ADR for three.
Winner > Big Show
Big Show slaps hands on his way out, then Punk’s music hits. They look at each other as they pass, sorta nod, then go on their way. Punk over to Justin and takes a mic and bottle of water. Punk into the ring and looks down at ADR. Punk sits next to ADR. Punk tries to see if ADR can hear him. Off came the lid, then water splashed on ADR. He needs ADR to process this. It’s a simple yes or no answer, but thinks ADR will twist ADR into a pretzel with the anaconda vice ad won’t let go until ADR says yes, or ci to the Match at SS. Punk grabs ADR and demands the Match. ADR agrees to the Match. Punk lets go and tells the fans he said yes, nothing. Punk says it again, nothing. Punk’s pipebomb stopped working. Punk with a new pipebomb gets the reaction he wanted. He’ll see ADR at SS!
Gonzo and Fozzy looking at the huge guys back there. Gonzo wants to know how hard it really would be to be a WWE wrestler. Dolph and Swagger pull Gonzo’s arms and wrapped them around his head. They leave and Fozzy asks if Gonzo is okay. Gonzo wanted to know how they knew he needed an adjustment.
Video clips from the newest Muppet Movie.
The Special Guest Time Keeper for this Match is Animal! He rails on that bell!
Swagger w/ Vickie vs Santino
Swagger and Vickie to the ring. Santino out with the cobra on his arm. Santino removes the cobra and tosses it to the fans.
They lock up and Santino sent flying back. Santino is being silly and eats a clothesline. Forearms to Santino’s back. Cole then talks smack of victory laps. Swagger then ends up doing pushups on Santino’s back. Santino whipped and to the mat. Cole talks about how hot and beguiling Vickie is. Swagger rushes Santino in a corner and eats a foot. Blows drop Santino to the mat. Santino splits under the clothesline, then the hip toss. Santino pins Swagger for two. Swagger locks on the ankle lock, but Santino rolls out of the hold.
Beaker at the side of the ring gives Santino that bottle. Santino drinks it, chokes, then spits it in Swagger’s face. Swagger falls and Santino get the three.
Winner > Santino
Santino trumpets on the ramp as Swagger is ticked in the ring.
Zack Ryder vs Dolph Ziggler w/ Vickie
Ryder out to the ring, taping his whole way out. Dolph out with Vickie in tow. Actually, Vickie looked great in her draped halter mauve top!
They lock up, side headlock on Dolph, Dolph pushes out and hits Ryder with a shoulder block. Ryder leapfrogs Dolph, then under, then a couple arm drags before Ryder rolls Dolph up for two. Drop kick on Ryder lands him on the mat. Dolph kicks Ryder in the head. A blow drops Ryder, but then he’s back with a reversal and clotheslines! Ryder whipped, but gets his feet up. Ryder up and hits a lovely missile dropkick, but Dolph rolls from the ring. Ryder flies out over the top onto Dolph! Vickie screeches.
Ryder to his feet, then slammed back to the mat. Dolph gloats, then drops an elbow to Ryder’s back for two. Vickie screeches at the ref. Swinging neck breaker on Ryder, Vickie cheers. Dolph stalks Ryder, then is caught by Ryder. Snake eyes on Dolph. They exchange blows, then a flapjack on Dolph. Dolph into the corner with blows. Clothesline in the corner, Dolph hits the mat. Ryder runs and puts his foot through Dolph’s head in the corner, but Ryder only gets two. Jaw breaker to Ryder, but then a double knee to Dolph’s jaw. Ryder pins, Dolph’s foot on the rope, but the ref calls the three.
The ref waves off the ending. Dolph outside, Ryder after him, Vickie grabs Ryder’s leg for Dolph to attack, but Ryder comes back with the rough Ryder for three.
Winner > Ryder
Vickie screeches, Ryder poses and the fans love it all. Replay of the ending and Vickie’s screeches.
Video from Triple H in the ring last Monday on RAW. Video of Nash’s jackknife bomb on Trip. Trip pulled rank on Laurinaitis, told him to find Nash. Then to Nash’s attack on Trip on stage with the sledge. Laurinaitis sent Nash away, but he didn’t stay away. Nash attacked Trip backstage with the sledge again. Trip was taken away in an ambulance.
Cole says Trip suffered a concussion and chattered vertebrae in his neck and will be out for another five weeks. On WWE.com the story was ‘broken’ that Nash was signed and will be on RAW next week.
Cole on the announce table. He’s not smearing JR in the ring as JR isn’t there tonight. JR saw his doc and has Inflammatory Bowel Disease, or IBD. Sources in the medical community have told Cole that JR has symptoms such as ulcers, mega toxic colon, diverticulitis, even gastrointestinal hemorrhaging. A real man like Cole would have pushed those symptoms away and showed up anyway, but JR isn’t a real man. In fact maybe JR should have worn these (a Depends) to face Cole. Cole laughs maniacally at his jokes. (I will have a shot at Cole in my RAW Is Blogged tomorrow. Please be aware that I don’t take nicely to anyone making light of any digestive disorder, no matter how funny it might seem to those without any such thing.)
Statler and Waldorf were not impressed. The only thing worse than listening to Cole is… NOTHING!
Backstage Miss Piggy is all over JoMo’s abs. He thought she wanted to talk. She said after the show they should go out. JoMo sets Hornswoggle up by Miss Piggy! Horney shows Miss Piggy his tattoo of her and others around his ankle. She admires herself, but then Horney leans in for a kiss. He kisses her cheek, she karate chops him. Kermit runs in to check on Horney who’s so thrilled and in love. Kermit said that he thought their show was weird! Then Cody walks into the shot! Cody takes a small sandwich bag and puts it over Kermit’s head. The holes are in the bottom and Kermit looks out at the camera.
Miz out to the ring. Cole is still ranting about Cole as Miz poses.
Statler and Waldorf again. Statler is thrilled about Cena and says he (Waldorf) can’t see Statler. Waldorf says he can’t see anything. Statler says it’s a good thing as Miz will be in the Match. Statler waves his hand in front of his face ala Cena, but makes himself dizzy and passes out.
Miz vs John Cena
Cena out to the stage and rips on Rocky in saying Cena’s there doing it every night. Cena into the ring and the fans are wild for him! After his music stops the heat can be heard. For Miz? The fans are hot! A dueling chant starts and Cena looks back and forth between the women and children yelling and the male voices chanting.
Side headlock takedown on Miz. Miz eats a corner, then whipped to the other. Fisherman’s suplex on Miz (according to Cole, but it was a snap suplex). Standing dropkick to Miz for two. Cena rushes Miz and eats corner. Cena then eats Miz’s big boot. Miz stomps Cena, then blows on the mat. Another big boot on Cena on the mat. Miz gets two as the male/female and children dueling chants start again.a kick to Cena’s gut drops Cena, then a big boot to Cena’s face. Big clothesline in a corner on Cena, then Miz climbs. Flying double ax handle to Cena’s head. Miz stomps Cena, then forearms to Cena’s face. Headlock on Cena and the dueling chants are even louder!
Cena to hits feet and free. Shoulder blocks, then the slam to Miz in what Cole says ‘vintage’ Cena. 5 knuckle shuffle on Miz, then up for the AA, but Miz wiggles free and hits a back DDT on Cena for two. Miz checks his mouth for blood, then to his feet. Cole rips on JR for not showing up hurt. Cena grabs Miz’s ankle for the STF, but free and takes Cena down twice, hard. Miz grabs Cena, Cena reverses and sends Miz to a corner. Cena on Miz in the corner. A massive clothesline about turns Miz inside-out! Cena gets two for it. Cena to the apron and up, but Miz cuts him off. Cena seated up top. Miz sets up, but Cena muscles out. Head butts to the side of Miz’s head. Cena flies with a leg drop across the back of Miz’s head for two.
Miz up, but wiggles out. Miz hits a really sick DDT on Cena for two. Miz rushes Cena but sent out over the top. Cena sends Miz into the barrier. Cena over to grab Miz but is grabbed by someone in the Scream costume and chokes Cena back over the barrier. Back in the ring Cena locks on an STF and gets the win.
Winner > Cena
Scream is in the ring and grabs Cena before eating an AA. Cena removes the mask and it’s, of course, R-Truth. Cena puts on the mask, then puts it on the back of his head. Cena poses, then sends the mask to the fans. The show goes off with Cena posing on a corner.
Comment, what do you feel about this edition?